On a summer day in 2021, my father's health began to deteriorate gradually.
He, who had been hailed as the epitome of health, started with frequent coughing, followed by a gradual loss of vitality. Brushing it off as a summer cold after enduring one major bout of illness, he miraculously regained his strength the day before I left for a two-and-a-half-month business trip to the United States, and we shared lunch together. Until then, I had no inkling of the tragedy that lay ahead. When I returned to Korea in December, my father's condition had worsened beyond imagination, and eventually, on a cold day in January, he was hospitalized. We had romanticized the idea of his hospitalization, thinking it would pave the way for a brighter future, but it was not to be. Daily blood tests, the incessant decline in my father's weight and platelet count—dropping from 200,000 to 100,000, then 100,000 to 70,000, and down to 50,000—suddenly, one day, the doctor summoned my mother and me. Symptoms that should never have occurred with my father's condition were appearing, and the doctor confessed to being clueless about the underlying issue. He warned us to brace ourselves for a bleak prognosis within a day or two. That day, the doctor's expression, my mother's trembling skin, her breath—everything remains vivid to me even now. I realized then that the unbearable sorrow I was experiencing was something I couldn't bear even as I lived. I had always lived by the mantra of "just do it," eager to tackle anything that came my way. But faced with an immense sorrow and despair that I couldn't resolve on my own, I found myself utterly powerless.
Whenever I faced problems that my own intellect and wisdom couldn't solve, I would turn to my father. He always provided the best and most fitting solutions and answers. However, this time, with this particular issue, I knew I had to somehow find a solution on my own with my limited wisdom. And perhaps, I realized, I might never find another wise person to consult about my problems in the future. As soon as I left the doctor's office, I immediately called my older sister in the United States and told her to go to the airport and take the earliest flight back to Korea. Even as grief threatened to overwhelm me in that uncontrollable situation, I couldn't summon the courage to do anything. Then I remembered the letter my father had written to my sister and me. I retrieved it and started reading it again. As I read, I found the strength to stand up, and since then, I haven't cried as much. And as I write this now, at this moment, my father has miraculously recovered to an incredible extent, so much so that it's almost like a miracle in the hospital.
I want to share the proverb my father left for my sister and me. I want to share it with everyone struggling in this world and hopefully provide a little strength. And out of a desire to leave behind evidence of how much love my sister and I received, I share the proverb our father wrote for us.
Dear. my daughter, Binna, and my son, Sam
As you live your lives,
Know that you have changed the lives of many.
Because of you, someone who was once a son became a father, and someone who was once a daughter became a mother. Though it may seem undesirable, someone became a grandfather, and someone became a grandmother. So, my daughter, my son, do not strive to be great.
Just the fact that you were born makes you already great...
Even if suddenly hardship, poverty, and loneliness come knocking and make you sad, never cry. For in the end, life is solitary.
Your friends, your lovers, your father, and your mother will all eventually leave you.
Living is simply a process of going through isolation and finding the truest version of yourself—a long journey to self-discovery.
At the end of that road, may you shine brightly on your own, my children.
When it comes to speaking of the most valuable things, do not try to measure their worth by size or quantity. Know that the most valuable things are those you achieve on your own, regardless of their size. Feel ashamed if your bank accounts are even slightly tainted with the blood and sweat of others, and reflect on the imperfection of your independence.
Everyone lives with the help of others. However, remember that the small difference between taking it for granted and feeling ashamed of it can change a person's life.
Choose your friends wisely as you go through life.
Even friends who are a little rough around the edges and require some effort are not necessarily bad. At some point, they might fight alongside you or teach you the logic of strength, even for your immature selves. It's okay to have friends who struggle with studies or other things. Surprisingly, they might excel in other areas and possess intellectual curiosity.
However, if they cannot distinguish between good and evil, disregard laws big and small, and refuse to understand others' emotions, do not keep such friends by your side. People ultimately learn from others' flaws rather than their virtues. If you don't want to see yourself becoming evil and ruining your life, remember this well.
By doing so, you may have many friends. However, do not be obsessed with anything other than yourself. Your father, too, was once surrounded by many friends and was happy. But looking back, I realized I had done everything to be a part of their lives and ended up losing myself. Every relationship brings about countless conflicts. Eventually, by cutting ties with them, your father gained freedom and found his true self, abandoning the person he was among them. So, be clear about those boundaries. There will be a line between a life for yourself and a life for others.
Do not live a dependent life. Especially, do not listen to what politicians say.
If your life is improved or comforted by their words, then you are already not independent, so feel ashamed of it. And when they talk about your neighbor's life, do not hesitate to spend your taxes.
But if they try to destroy your life and trample on your rights, you must fight against them vigorously, just like me. Remember, being able to strengthen yourself comes from being aware that no one else can lift you up and being cautious of unconditional kindness.
Moreover, live kindly. In this world, there are things visible but inexplicable and many things invisible but explainable. Approach life knowing the unseen truth that good deeds lead to good outcomes, and evil deeds await retribution.
So, be generous in your actions.
Even in a world of individual existence, isn't living solely for yourself against the essence of life?
Regardless of whether your life is rich or not, cultivate a compassionate heart toward your neighbors and nurture kindness toward the subtle things that don't disrupt your life. From this, the resulting positive influence will first affect you, becoming an unwavering resistance against any injustice, protecting you and your family.
Do your best in the place of goodness.
Don't envy or be jealous of those who have reached positions you haven't. Everyone has different starting points, and the process can change depending on abilities. Be faithful to the time before you. Even if you leave nothing behind, if you feel something, that's enough. If you've accomplished nothing, but you're alive, that's enough. When you look around again, someday you'll realize that you already have everything you once envied, and those who were once the objects of your jealousy have long been forgotten in your memory…
Now, to you, my dear,
The phrase "time is indifferent" is perhaps said about those who become indifferent as they drift away in time. Even if such sad times come between you and me, I will hold onto my memories well, so you just live your life. That's enough for me.
Daughter, my son. Even after calling you many times, your name still feels unfamiliar and makes my heart beat faster.
I wanted to give you nothing but love forever, as your father. If I could always hold you in my arms, caress your cheeks, and hold your hands and feet, and if my smiling face was always reflected in your eyes, and if your day always ended with me by your side, I would have been truly happy.
But what can I do? I am just your father... Someday, there will come a day when you'll miss me like this. When that day comes, don't search for traces of me, but find me within yourself.
Because through both of you, your father has left a mark on the world, and your living is not so different from your father’s.
It's so hard to live by his words, but I try to live by them every day.
I love you, Mom and Dad.
I'll keep as much of you in me as I can. Live long and healthy.
+) Editor's note: His dad passed away on July 31, 2023.
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